Sunday, November 3, 2013

Confession Time: I Can't Be Alone!

I once heard that being in a relationship is like holding a giant mirror up to your face. Flaws you didn't realize you had suddenly appear and you realize that you need to start working on you in order to make the relationship work!
We are complex people and we all have different ways of thinking, living, doing, and reacting. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have problems.
Time to confess.
The biggest problem I have.... I can't be alone!
I feel I do alot of life alone which is why every moment I know I have that isn't planned... I panic.

I feel the need to keep busy, to meet with a friend for coffee, to go out and run. I can't just sit, be still or just relax!

I feel that if my Saturday consists of me sitting at home "Relaxing", that it means I don't have a social life. That I am not good enough. I am a waste of space and unwanted in life.

Now this issue has risen in my relationship lately (and I admit, it has been a growing concern in the past). I need to work on it. But how?

I guess the first step is to identify WHY I can't be alone.
1. I feel I am constantly alone.
2. I get bored
3. I don't feel useful
4. I over think when Im alone
5. Im worried im missing out on something

Since I became a Christian (and since New York) I've adopted this new drive that I've never had before in my life. This drive involves me being useful/busy/productive at all times. Now you'd think this is a good thing, correct? Well.... not really.

Step two: Identify WHY having alone time is good
1. Spend time with God
2. Reflect on life, think decisions through without outside influence
3. Get comfortable with who you are
4. pamper yourself!
5. RELAX/reward

I love relaxing... but with someone... not alone...
I can't really explain how this issue came about but I know i need to work on it.

Step THree: things I can start doing to get comfortable with alone-time.
1. Spend time with God every day that involves being alone - reading the Bible
2. when you don't have plans, relax and read a book/watch television/do my nails
3. Pray! Thank God for all the blessings and people in my life. Reflect on how blessed I am and understand I am never alone.

A big part of being a Christian is constantly working on yourself to become a better person. The first part of that is acknowledging you're not perfect and you need help.

Heavenly Father, I fail every day but by your grace I can stand again. Help me to find flaws in myself that I can work on. Help me to understand issues I need to face today and grant me the strength to work through them. Thank you for your mercy and grace and I pray that as I continue on this journey of becoming a better person, that I find my purpose in you, not within myself or the approval of others. Thank you God for the cross, and for all you have done for me. I am abundantly blessed, help me to be comfortable within my own skin, regardless of what may be happening around me.
I pray in Jesus' name.